Oh 2017, where do I even start?
It seems like every time I think about you, I just want to start shaking my head in disbelief (while simultaneously yelling obscenities). I should’ve known you were going to be a crappy year. Considering I ended up in the emergency room on New Year’s Day. That should’ve been the first sign. But no, I had some hope in you. Maybe things would get better? Not so much. After several ugly bouts of anxiety and depression, which I haven’t felt this bad since 2008, I honestly didn’t know what to make of myself. I questioned my life more than I ever have.
I tried to make some positive and uplifting changes by rebranding this blog. That was cool at first. But, that was too good to be true. Weeks later, my blog was hacked and moved offline for a few months. Then you took the one remaining safe and faithful constant in my life, my beautiful fur baby Kiki. After 16 years of being by my side, she made her way over the rainbow bridge. That was probably the most heartbreaking of all. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever cried so much. At this point, I should have zero tears left—like none. Because you made sure to take them all from me.
But, I refuse to let you win. I could say I’m done. I could just crumble from the horribleness that was my year. Luckily, I am beyond blessed than you’d like me to believe. And I can not forget the many beautiful blessings that 2017 tried to overshadow. Those have a permanent place in my life and my heart. Thank God for my amazing support team. These are the people who love me unconditionally and are there for me through it all. I should probably buy them medals or something.
No matter what you threw at me—to say you are over is an understatement. When the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, I’ll be screaming “Peace out 2017!”—among other things. Basically, I’m coming for you 2018.
You should know that it’s been a very long time since I’ve made any solid goals or aspirations for the new year. But, thanks to my therapist, who is an angel, I’ve decided to make 2018 “The Year of Acceptance.” Yup, acceptance.
For starters, I am choosing to accept all of the things that were unbelievably horrible in 2017. You read that right. Each and every one of them. In my heart, I know that it’s a part of my life and the plan that God has for me. All of which makes me who I am today.
I’ve spent so much of my heart and energy fighting things that I just can’t change. Well, not anymore.
…the “bad days.”
…that mistakes will be made.
…there will be loss in my life.
…I can’t do it all.
…that healing takes time.
…my anxiety disorder and depression.
…that some things are just out of my control.
And with acceptance, I’ll continue my journey of self-love, kindness, compassion, and kicking-ass. Yeah, just added that last one to the list.
2018, just so you know, this is only the beginning. I know you won’t be perfect and I’m really OK with that.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. -Reinhold Niebuhr